u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
