You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
