I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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