What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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