I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
