I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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