Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.