I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.