he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.