Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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