Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
