I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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