Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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