Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
