Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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