I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
