Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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