No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
