i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
