nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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