my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
