My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's never too late to be topless.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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