just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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