Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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