The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
