he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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