I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
