sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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