Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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