Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
