He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
