Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
smell my finger.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
