oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
