walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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