C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
