i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
