everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
