Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
