if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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