Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
