I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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