just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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