The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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