You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
