i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
try to milk me bitch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
