did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
