So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
