Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
