Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
