Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
