Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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