8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
smell my finger.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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