Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
