So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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