So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who died my cat blue again?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
