soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
