Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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