my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we're so committed to being not committed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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