how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I forget how to act sober
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
