I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
