it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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