Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just crazy horny about you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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