I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
