now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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