I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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