I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
