Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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