The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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