you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
