You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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