champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
