pop tarts are not kleenex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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