In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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