So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
