you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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