Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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