No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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